Hola! Mi Corazons.
Heyyy!! I want to say I’m back but I’m the biggest liar in the world so I’ll just say I’m sorta back. To be honest, my ghosting is justified because everything has just be going one kind one kind but I guess that should have given me more reasons to write, yeah? I’m just a lazy person and my excuse will always be that it works for me (inserts lots of cats laughing emojis)
I thought of what to write a lot. I even drafted a couple of other things and I’ll probably post them after this but nothing felt like the right one until now. Last night I was in a mood, it wasn’t something that happened last night that caused my moods, it was a lot of things that had been leading up to that moment and me knowing that there was a decision I had to make, to help myself and I was reluctant.
So I asked my friends how they detach because to make this particular decision I had to let go, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. As they gave suggestions (massive shoutout to the person that asked that I blocked the person I was trying to detach from, I haven’t had the courage to do it but you smart) I realized that what I was scared of wasn’t letting go/detaching. It was the pain that’d come with it. What’s funny is this particular situation already hurts a lot, so why is it so hard to let go?
I’ve come to the conclusion that as humans, we like to delude ourselves into thinking that it’ll get better and somewhere in our head, we are actively making excuses for these humans that only hurt us. The excuse is that they are not bad people and maybe truly they aren’t but they are bad for us. Especially if you are like me that attaches my emotions to everything and I feel things maybe just a little more than the average person. Omo everything will just be feeling like painsssssss, you’ll be constantly preparing yourself for premium tears. So I think, the problem isn’t letting go or removing yourself from a situation that is clearly hurting you and breaking you, the problem is living with yourself after, the questions like “why did I wait for it to get this bad, why did I react this way, why did I feel this way” I think we are scared of confronting our failures so we stay, to prove to ourselves (delude ourselves) that we didn’t fail, yet again.
More often than not, we are walking on broken bottles that we’ve laid mats on pretending it doesn’t still hurt us, the balm we soothe the wounds we eventually get from them is that, “what is life without pain?” “We only live once” “live without regrets” but why do you have to die everyday to live well? At the end of the day, I think we are all just creatures of pain.
There! That’s all for my rambling today, if you can read between the lines, you’ll find the gist I’ve been promising y’all but don’t worry, on the next one, I’ll tell you how human people used my heart to catch cruise. See ehn, just be doing your hard guy and be chopping laive. Stay in the streets because out here, everywhere na gladiator bobyshock or whatever they said.
Bye guys! Loads of love. Tty next timeeeeeee🤍